He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
