I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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