So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
