thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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