I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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