its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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