I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize