is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
