Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
