It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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