End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
