I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
