garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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