Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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