You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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