I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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