dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
