guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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