i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
