put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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