You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
