Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF

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(860): View more from Connecticut

So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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(206): View more from Washington

I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.

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(641): View more from Iowa

My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.

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(905): View more from Ontario

i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I’m going to Lewinsky this place

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying

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