Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i drank out of a bidet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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