She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
