Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
