You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
