Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
