Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
