so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
