If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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