Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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