She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
