In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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