Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
