I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
