I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't put those talents on a resume
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
