Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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