1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he thought i was a dude.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
