Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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