those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize