there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
