so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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