i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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