how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
