i don't like sucking hair
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
