I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's official drugs can't kill me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
