My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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