you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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