The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
