I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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