His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
