Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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