she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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