I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
