they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
