No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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