i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
