I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
