I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
