He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
