I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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