do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
