Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
