does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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