Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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