Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
