shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
