i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
