Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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