no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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