You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
