Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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