Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
