Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
