i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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