He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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