My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
