oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
