In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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